The Truth Shall Set You Free

There are times when you learn someone’s truth about how they feel about you. It hurts. Stings. Brings you to your knees. Makes you damn angry.

But, after you can calm down, there’s a realization that what you’ve learned is what you indeed need to know.  Under stress, people show their true colors. Believe them what they say in their deep emotional state. Filters fall away at those times. Folks blurt out what’s been kept inside. 

I remember when my mamma was near the end of her life and she was agitated with me. Suffering from injuries sustained in a fall, she was hospitalized. It was decided she would not be able to live alone any longer. At 98, she was still fiercely independent. She was also pragmatic and determined to remain in control of her life as much as possible. 

In this agitated state, we ended up in a raw conversation. Finally, she told me the truth about how she felt about me pretty much my whole life. She told me that she thought it was a mistake to adopt me.  That’s right. A mistake. I wasn’t the child they imagined I would be. I was difficult. 

 I didn’t visit her again for almost three months. She finally called me and asked if I would please come see her. Reluctantly and still angry, I went to see her. We talked about the incident and other things that needed clearing up. We made peace. 

See, I had been adopted by her and my dad when I was a toddler. They traveled from California to Canada to adopt me only knowing what I looked like in a photograph and what the agency had disclosed about my ethnicity. They didn’t want a child who was obviously native American Indian which was common in part of Canada where I was born. 

My mamma used to tell me certain anecdotal stories about how I was as a young child. I got the impression that I was extremely independent, even as a toddler. She frequently reminded me that the people at the adoption agency said there was a no return policy and, once they left with me that was that. 

Well, I just thought that they were awfully brave and committed to adding me to their family and it made me feel really wanted. My mamma was good about telling me often how much she worked with me to learn how to greet my daddy when he got home from work. Took a year to accomplish that! 

There were other things. She painted a picture of how much a wild little animal I was. How I’d rip her clip on earrings off her. How I’d play alone and amuse myself for hours. How I’d not accept help learning to tie my shoelaces. “I do it myself!!!” Was what I said as I sat there, determined to figure it out on my own. 

In the moment, I was both devastated to learn the truth and grateful to know the truth. Because, the truth put everything else in perspective. Eventually, I came to have compassion and gratitude for her instead of only anger and resentment because, even though I was a huge disappointment and a pain in the butt, she still made a heroic effort to turn me from an animal into a decent human being,  She never gave up on me even though it would have been easier to get rid of me and find another child to love. 

I’m fortunate to have received her truth.  It set me free from holding on to assumptions, anger, and resentment about how I was largely ignored by my parents growing up.  I’m thankful now that I was largely ignored because being ignored meant I was able to become even more of the innately independent and self-sufficient person that I am.  It meant I had to figure things out and I became very good at figuring things out. I like knowing how things work! Knocking about with some not so nice people (con artists, drug dealers, etc) gave me street smarts. I’m quick-witted and have a Can-Do kick-ass mindset. And, I’m unbelievably creative.  My parents never told me I couldn’t do anything because I was a girl or because I was small. 

Thank you, mamma, for letting me be me all these years and you didn’t try to make me different in spite of the fact that you wish you had someone else.  

Do you wish you had different parents? I think most of us do. I invite you to think about all the ways the negative experiences you had with them or because of them served to make you stronger, more resilient, more compassionate, and motivated you to do better.  In this way, you will be able to turn those negatives into positives and give them a meaningful purpose in your life as you go forward to serve others from a place of wisdom and love. 

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,

Rachel Monet