Scar Tissue

We all have scars.  Some visible on our bodies. More often though, the worst scars… the toughest ones to live with are those hidden deep. Etched in our hearts. Ghostly static that lurks just beneath the surface like those scenes from a horror movie where the evil spirits jump out at us when we least expect that sort of thing to happen.

Like many of you – I’ve been through a lot and I can say with absolute certainty today that I’ve come out the victor over bullying in grade school, over bullying and insidious passive controlling abuse in my marriage, over emotional abuse, and over the pain and shame of being sexually molested at a young age and numerous date rapes as a teenager and young adult.  These are usually the experiences that we don’t talk about. Why? Because we are afraid to be judged. We are shamed. We want to forget about it.  Well guess what?  We can move on and we can heal and we can become leaders, coaches and incredibly strong people in spite of or because of.  It doesn’t really matter which motivates us.  As long as we are motivated to rise above and help others heal and find the strength to break free from their current nightmare or put old ones to rest… that, my friends, is what I’m talking about.

As I was driving yesterday to meet my new friend, the amazing and inspirational Lorri Ann Code of Mama Boot Camp, I was overcome by a bout of residual fear.  It still happens when I think about the possibility of having to have any contact with my ex.  The tears fell as I was driving and it made me mad that this was still happening and I thought, “When will this end?”  ”When will that shadow go away?”  I am a strong and usually very confident woman and yet – that gripping fear that comes from the memories of what he said, how he made me feel fearful, how I sometimes wonder if I’m ever going to feel safe the next time he has “an episode of not being able to control his anger” … will that “shadow” ever just stop following me?

I never suffered from physical abuse at his hands but, to be honest, the scars that you can’t see in me or anyone else can be far more insidious. You can’t judge a book by it’s cover, so the saying goes.  Life goes on and we try to make the best of it because we have kids to take care of, jobs to keep, meals to cook, lawns to mow and Christmas pictures to smile pretty for.  Eat some more cookies, have another triple espresso, drown it out with some more wine. Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone.  So shut up and deal with it – alright already?  That’s what I was taught. How about you?

Well, getting back on track: Lorri Ann and I were talking over some green tea at the local coffee shop and she shared some incredibly inspiring stories with me about women who have, with the help of Mama Bootcamp and all the loving and compassionate coaches there who, like us, are full of life experience (!!!) have helped woman after woman take back their lives and in the process have become more confident, developed the inner strength to make better choices, and sometimes for the first time ever in their lives…. feel beautiful both inside and out.  This is huge!  And you know what?  

It’s because every one of those wonderful coaches at Mama Boot Camp has had their fair share of what we like to call “Life Experience.”  They “get it” and they are helping your sisters, friends, neighbors and moms overcome years of being overweight, out of shape, feeling crappy about themselves, thinking nobody would ever love them because of how they looked and how they felt about themselves.  

Think you have nothing to offer anyone else? Think again. Because when you step outside your fear and self-doubt and reach out to help someone else up … wonderful, amazing things begin to happen to you too.  

All it takes is that first step…one of many baby steps… to fight back and move forward to being a beautiful, strong, confident new you that nobody will ever be able to hurt again with words or fists because you know you deserve better.